Friday, November 17, 2006

Getting lost at the circus

When I was little, I never got to ride in the front seat. Joe was the oldest, so he always called shotgun and got it. It sucked. I could never hear what was being talked about, I couldn't control what was on the radio, and I couldn't see over the seats to even know what sort of fun was being had "up there." So, I would be left to entertain myself in the back seat, usually just looking out the windows at whatever happened to be whirring past.

For some reason, rainy days stick out in my mind like this. Probably because the street lights and headlights glisten so much more brightly when its raining. The rain captures everything, you know? It was one of the worst feeling when I was a kid-being stuck in the back seat on a rainy day just staring out the window while "stuff" happened in the front seat.

Turns out, years later, I'm right back in the back seat (in a number of ways) and hating them all just the same.

Everytime I get in a car, I am that little kid sitting in the back seat, straining to see over the seats, wondering what's on the radio or what's going to come on next or what the other people are up to or going to do next. From the moment that I recognize a need to leave my apartment, I just give up my own independence. No more lingering in the store just because I want to, or stopping at an extra store along the way; no more "oops I forgot this, let's go back," or "I'm sitting at home bored, I think I'll go here." And once I'm in the car, it's not my decision what station to listen to (or NOT to listen to), or windows to roll down, or route to take, and so on. I have to plan my entire day when I want to go out, and then plan it around someone else and be able to communicate every detail of it to whoeever is going to be taking me somewhere. Not to mention that my CAR is where I used to THINK best, and it's where I used to listen to music. I have yet to find a place that works as well as my car for those two things. It's been this way for an entire YEAR now, and it's not going to change. I can't honestly tell my doctor next month that I've been seizure free since our last visit, so another six months of not driving is on its way. THIS is why teenagers looked so forward to getting their licence!

NOT DRIVING, is the same as being in the back seat, and in fact, it IS being in the back seat. It's awful, plain and simple.

PS. Resist the urge to comment with platitudes and niceities. I will delete your comments if you do. I really don't need that. I'm just writing to write. But thank you for your thoughts if you WERE going to. :-)

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not niceties--just memories. The back seat, I thought, could be fun sometimes. I remember bringing toys or a tape recorder with me when we would go somewhere and having all kinds of "fun" or trouble--however you want to look at it. Of course the tape player would have to be sneaked into the car, but it made for great laughs, especially with my mom who hates--loathes--being recorded on video, tape, whatever. I also remember the times of drawing on the windows when they would get fogged up or trying to see how many semis I could get to honk at me or how many people would wave. Car games are perfect for the back seat, plus you can do anything you want without the responsibility of driving or providing directions. The back seat can actually be more fun--with the perspective of an instigator or "fun maker."

rdmeeker said...

Yeah, Devan, I had a very different back seat experience. Maybe it's because I usually wasn't alone, but I never noticed a difference between the front and back until I learned the "Shotgun Game." Then the backeat meant I had lost the challenge.

And, if I ever got stuck in the back seat alone, I just sat with my head between the front seats and talked really loud just like I was in the front seat, too. Only louder!

I still do that...

Tammy said...

so, so funny-I remember loving the back seat. I would, if small enough, stand in the back seat and sing, or if too tall (hush Bob), I loved looking out the windows or lying down and watching the world go by from the rear window. I still like the back seat, that's why I typically choose when we're all together. And you thought I was just being nice!!! And, boy was Bob ever loud!!

Brandi said...

I hated the back seat. I always wanted to be in the front, unless I was sleepy. Being in the back was the worst, especially if I was alone. Now, I don't mind the back seat as long as people talk to me. I prefer the back when some people drive so that I don't have to watch them almost run into things! I guess it makes sense that I would hate the back seat too, since we were seperated at birth!