CONVINCING MYSELF IT'S IMPORTANT.
(written after initial posting: this is NOT a post about money!)

I went tanning yesterday and today, for the first time ever. Can you believe it? Yeah, that thing I said I'd never do, I'm doing. I want my pictures to look nice for the wedding, so I plopped down $35.00 for the lotion and got a week free of tanning. It would have been $35 for the week of tanning, too, but I had a coupon. I mean, you HAVE to look good in your WEDDING pictures, RIGHT?

I found out today that we're going to have to rent some additional tables for the church, because we're not allowed to use the extra rectangulars ones that the church has, and that we're not allowed to use their linens for the rounds they DO have, so we have to figure something else. So, we'll rent 8 rounds and 4 rectangulars. Not a HUGE deal; it just means that the only money I had for decorations has to now go to renting tables (and it will use all of that). Not a big deal - I mean, it's AWESOME that we have that money, right. God's been just making things appear out of the air! And we're not going to rent linens because that IS money we don't have (they're EXPENSIVE!), so we'll figure something out for all 20 rounds and all the rectangular tables we do have. Probably we'll buy a bolt of fabric from Hancocks and use that ($45 for one roll, we'll maybe use two). OR maybe white or brown butcher paper?! What do you think?! I looked today, and it looks like we can get that for $35, and one roll would work.

And the thing is - since we're HAVING a wedding reception, you HAVE to have tables, you know? 130 and counting of our closest friends and family are coming to celebrate with us with dancing, laughing and toasting (with just eight weeks notice no less! Imagine if we'd given them ACTUAL notice! We might have gotten the other 120 to show up!) and it's only right that we give those 130 and counting a place to sit and put their cake and light fare. And if you have tables, they have to be covered with SOMETHING. Really they do. It's only proper.

So as I'm sitting at home tonight pondering all of this, and wondering exactly what we're going to decorate with now (don't fret - we HAVE stuff, someday I'll tell you the story of how theknot brides decorated our wedding) - but as I was thinking of all this, I started thinking about our city, and what's going on there. I surfed over to one of the sites where I get news about that region, and I saw this article about the chemical attacks on a Kurdish city in 1988. (This is not our city, btw, it's just in that area of the country). I read the article, and as I was reading, my mind drifted far away from tanning, table rentals and toasting. I watched this video which shows actual video of the attacks (not for the southern belles among you), and was drawn so far away the wedding...

They have a saying, "The Kurds have no friends but the mountain." I'm here wondering if a pumpkin centerpiece matches my bridesmaid dresses and meanwhile, there really are people there who are scared to tell their family members about their decision to follow Jesus. Or they HAVE told their families about it, and it's simply CHANGED their lives. I love what's happening here, but I want to be there. I want to know them. I want to be their friend. This feels like marking time. ;-)

I'm thankful for my 130 people who are going to celebrate with me. They love us so much and that is SO obvious by everything that has been done for us. As someone said to me, "This is the wedding I've been wating for since you starting dating him." But I just spent $35.00 on tanning, and I'm going to spend $60 or so on fabric to cover the tables that will cost another $87 to rent...all the while, I need still $200 to cover my core training to GO to these people. I TANNED when I could have saved that money and put it towards GOING. And it's not the only thing I've spent money on like that. What's wrong with me!?

It's hard to convince myself that anything beyond the bare minimum is important for our wedding when my people are waiting for us just around the corner. Why buy any more decorations than simply candles if JUST candles can be beautiful? Or, so...what if they're not the MOST beautiful thing in the world? Is it worth it when there's a people waiting for us? And in the end, are Bob and I and our guests going to remember more our centerpieces and what covered our tables? or are Bob and I and our guests going to rememberhow it DIDN'T matter what covered the tables? I've also already had one person tell me, "I love that you're doing your wedding the way you are (talking about how my wedding dress was given to me, and that I'm okay with that). It says a lot about how you and Robert are starting out your marriage that you aren't willing to spend a ton of money on your wedding when you don't really have it, and that this is still okay with you guys" or something like that.

*sigh* or MAYBE...just this once, it does matter. Maybe this isn't the occassion to start having it matter. Maybe it IS important and I need to FIND the money for a "more than candles" centerpiece and "more than butcher paper" table covering. Who knows. The whole thing has been a blessing in the first place, and the reality is that we will have only and exactly what God wants us to have. If that means that someone gave us money for the WEDDING, and I want to look nice in my wedding pictures? Then I suppose that means I can go tanning.

And then I pray that God will also supply all our needs as it relates to quickly taking us to our people. I love them and I haven't even met them.