IT'S DEFINITELY A BABY.

Alex's and Carrie's baby boy...

TAG! YOU'RE IT.

I mean, I know I'm the "IT" girl of the hour and all (have you SEEN the starlike qualities of the photo below?), so it only makes sense that OTRgirl would tag me.

5 Items in the Closet

In the upstairs guest bedroom closet, which I'm going to count as one thing: 500 magazines, 800 hangers, 5 purses, 10 pants, 6 dresser drawers and odd box thing, 3 coats and a game called Scotland Yard that I hate. None of which are mine.

In my closet, two baskets of clothes that needs to go to Goodwill (and technically this basket is half in my closet, half out of my closet, because it's keeps making its way into the "projects to finish" category.

S'angie, a pink Build a Bear with four hearts. Four of my middle school students in SC built it for me on a trip to Concord Mills Mall in NC around Christmastime one year, because it was my birthday, and included one heart for each of them. She is wearing a black skirt, white shirt and a pink sweater, because that's what I wore a lot of at the time (girly sweater sets).

Red stripper heels from the 70's party. :-)

A copy of the Berry Patch, my high school's "literary magazine," for which I was the editor and a contributor, but I'd have to check - it might be at my mom's. What a laugh!

5 Projects to Finish

Editing the PFM video. I didn't finish it yesterday.

Creating the IN Prison newsletter header (finshed two yesterday); revisit Prayer Ministry newsletter.

Taking ALL of Cristi's (my old roommate) remaining stuff to the dumpster (all 500 magazines, 800 hangers, 5 purses, 10 pants, 6 dresser drawers and odd box thing, 3 coats ((well, maybe not the leather one)) and all the extra mismatched tupperware and not working kitchen equipment she brought into my home to the trash!

Finishing MY guest list. Pray that it doesn't go over 150.

Murdering as many flies as possible. Has someone pronounced a plague upon my house? I promise, there are no dead rotting carcasses in my apartment or just outside - so why did I kill eight flies in my lovely apartment yesterday?

5 Items on the Nightstand

Brown leather journal

Jim Elliot's Journal (it's not brown)

$353 worth of Topamax and a bottle of water, reduced each morning by approx. $11.

My cell phone (attached to its charger)

My engagement ring. I still haven't gotten used to wearing it to bed at night. By the time I crawl into bed, it feels a little loose on my finger and what if it gets pulled off? And, I'm afraid that the big ol' rock on it will snag the linens during the night and damage the ring. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE the "big ol' rock!" For not having seen the ring or having picked it out ourselves, I totally love it! It's very much what I would have chosen. I don't know how big the diamond is, but it seems huge to me and fits my hand just perfectly. I probably just need to try sleeping with it one night, huh?

5 Favorite Things

Ice Cream. Have I ever told you that when I was in ?seventh grade? I applied to be an Edy's Ice Cream Taste Tester? Yeah. They were having a national contest through Parade Magazine, and with thousands of entrants, I think I made it to the top 600 or something like that? Or at least, that's how I remember the rejection letter reading, but you know how MY memory is. I SO wanted that job, but it's probably best that I didn't get it. Ice Cream is probably one of THE reasons I'm such a chunk.

Being outside in a park.

Sweet tea. "OH, How I love sweet tea." (sung to the tune of "Oh How I Love Jesus!")

Exploring. Not anything specific, just exploring. I want to know what the Pearl Alley Market is.

Taking my time. Granted, sometimes it's good to be the Poky Little Puppy, sometimes it's not. What can I say? I like slowing down when for the past five years I lived at a pace of 65 hour work weeks and eating at my desk while on the phone and emailing, and still working at night when I got home, and so on. It's nice to slow down. Hahaha...I MIGHT need to speed up a LITTLE! but... you get the point... ;-)

COME ALONG AND RIDE ON A...

Aimee has found what might just the most fun I've had on the net in a few months (Sad, you say? Maybe). My Heritage Celebrity Face Recognition. You simply pop in a photo of yourself (or a few photos if you're a nut like me), and after a few clicks of the touchpad, the wierdos at My Heritage have scanned your amazing star-like features to tell you which Hollywood starlets and star-??? (don't know the masculine form of starlet) that you most resemble. Check it out for yourself. My results are below... Of course, if you're "confident" like me, then you'll TOTALLY want to see the resemblance. Then again, when Grace Jones! pops up, you won't want to be so cocky after all...



And then there's this one, which I have included exactly as it returned it's first result directly from the site (rather than cutting and pasting the results together). I wanted you to see it in all it's glory. I hope in particular that Joan gets a chuckle out of this.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS...

and your chocolate chip cookies suck, make Chunky Potato Soup, because it will probably be really good. :-).

You should know by now that your friend the Potato will never let you down.

WHERE'S WYLIE COYOTE WHEN YOU NEED HIM...

to drop a wacky bomb on Tim Warner? I was right in the middle of sending a couple of emails around the country when my internet went down! Ugh. It stayed that way for a while, so I decided I'd watch TV, which worked for a while, until my cable went out! So I thought I'd go take a shower (this was hours ago, btw). When I got out of the shower, both were still down, so I called TW, and they said, "Yes, we are experiencing some trouble in your area and don't have an ETA on when that will be fixed. Sorry."

Boo hoo hoo! hahaha... I mean, it's not like I don't have other things to do, but seriously, I depend on the internet way too much to DO some of those things. All I REALLY need to do today is finish these newsletters and videos for Prison Fellowship and finish the first mock up of the logo for FamJam!, but that's just one of those things - you use the net for bouncing those ideas back and forth to the boss - and for grabbing new graphics and so on... Yes, yes, I know there's this wedding upcoming and all, but I HAVE to get these things done, too.

Anyway - it appears to be fixed right this moment, so of course I had to tell you about it. At least if TW is going to screw up as badly as they have this year, it's awesome they sent us these apology coupons. Free tix to the CAPA movie series; discount tix to any Gateway movie theater (why didn't I think of that last week when we saw A Scanner Darkly?); and all sorts of other things.

And in other news? What was Will's strategy last night? I don't understand? Was it really to GET kicked off? Or was it just to TRY to look like he wanted kicked off so hard that they wouldn't?

LESSONS LEARNED (FROM JERRY GRAY)

Communication should be clear and specific; Vision and plan are different. Don’t lose plan of how vision will be accomplished; People desire to be connected and respond when invited to relationship; Leadership experiences often must be denied for the sake of family, and that in itself a leadership experience; Listen to your leadership intuition. If you have a degree of unrest in your heart, it must be explored and handled; Act quickly to right a wrong; We don’t have the luxury of just being, we have to pass that along.

My old senior pastor, Jerry Gray, called this evening as my friends and I were on the way home from David's Bridal. I quickly filled him in on the past week's events, and after some very enthusiastic congratulations, we got to catching up (we haven't talked in a month and a half or so). Jerry and I have an interesting relationship. He is half my mentor, half my colleague, and then he's also just my friend. All of the quotes above were taken from Jerry during a staff meeting in 2002 where each staff member had to list lessons they'd learned during the previous year. I'm still learning from him years later. I dearly miss learning from him, in fact. He was an OUTSTANDING senior pastor (is an outstanding senior pastor, even though that's not his job right now).

We talked only briefly because I was in the car with other people (had I not been, we would likely have talked for two hours, which is saying something because I hate talking on the phone). One of the things he asked me, of course, was if I had a job yet. I told him no, and he asked how I felt about that. I told him it was awful. He said, "Yes, I'd imagine so, and I'd imagine that it's very difficult to find a job not being able to drive." "Yes." He asked how long it has been since I've not been working - almost three full months now. I told him that this has been such a different experience for me, because I've just never been able to not get a job. In my field, I just GET jobs. I mean, I have job offers now in ministry. Good ones, too. I'm not like a dynamo or anything like that, but there are these pastors, both those I've worked for in the past, and those who just know me through people who know me or who know "my work," and they want me. As soon as they found out I was resigning, they were emailing and calling and offering me jobs. Real offers, too, not just talk. But the thing is this - and it's what people don't understand... BUT Jerry did. He understood it as soon as I said it, and I could have CRIED the moment he started his vocal fillers of agreement, I just had to hold it back:

I'm done being a youth pastor for as long as I can't drive. And I'm done working in local church ministry. I CANNOT do that anymore. That field is closed to me. The work of the ministry - The EFFECTIVE work of local church ministry?! It can't be done without being able to drive. It requires spontaneity. There are some who will say, "No, No...there are ways to work around it." But there is not. I remember the look on Tom's face when I first was told that I couldn't drive for TWO months, and I told him that I (emphasis on ME, and it's important to know that) would resign if something happened to where I wouldn't be able to drive for an entire year. I didn't even know at the time if that could even happen! I just told him that it wouldn't be acceptable to ME for that to happen, because I knew that it would hamper the effectiveness of the ministry. And he said, "Well, we'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it. Hopefully we won't come to it, but that certainly would be a different situation than the one under which we hired you, and we would do our best to work it out, but let's just pray that God heals you and works this out," or something like that. The reality is that I (emphasis on ME) knew that the ministry needed a driving pastor. It's not in the job description - it's just implied. It's part of the spontaneous nature of the job.

And now - this thing that is part of what God has called me to do - is sort of over. And Jerry got it. Without debating me out of it - without trying to make me feel better about it - without anything. He just does what he does and FACED THE HARD FACTS and led through it, even if it was just a 10 minute phone call. He just said, "Oh yeah, you're absolutely right, Angie. I've seen you at your best, and you are totally spontaneous with your kids and volunteers, and I'll bet it would kill your spirit to not be able to get out with them. I'll bet those months were awful for you. Does it feel like your ministry has been taken away from you along with the keys?"

Yeah. It does. I had a dream the other night where all of my student ministries from the past were together in front of me, in some sort of distress, but I couldn't get to them in time, because I had to walk to them, and cars were passing me everywhere, and I was thinking, "Oh! If I could just get in the car and go to them." I knew when I woke up that I was just and only having a sad and obviously sad moment about this issue. (I even thought it was funny that if I was going to have to dream about this, that I couldn't have a more abstract dream! Such a simpleton).

And the last part of this terribly long post is this: I know that I was supposed to resign; don't confuse this for regret. I know that I am to be married, and I know that I am, that we are to go back to the middle eastern country from which Robert just returned home, so it's not like I think that I am without a "calling" now that I can't do local church ministry here anymore. These future things are as much a part of what I am called to do as the things I have just finished doing. In that country, I'm not even going to be driving, so it won't matter once we're there - it seems like providence in fact. But the marriage hasn't started yet, and the ministry there hasn't started yet and it seems like there is nothing I can do here to even get my fingers on it, and I still don't have a job to replace the one I left. And so all I have to do is wait.

And NO. Today, the waiting is not good.

THINK WHAT A BETTER WORLD IT WOULD BE IF WE ALL, THE WHOLE WORLD, HAD COOKIES AND MILK ABOUT THREE O'CLOCK EVERY AFTERNOON AND THEN LAY DOWN ON BLANKETS FOR A NAP. (BARBARA JORDAN)

There remained in my cabinet exactly two and a quarter cups of flour, and in my refrigerator two eggs (still fresh, which I knew because I tested them in water).

I had to. There were too many variable still unchecked from the last batch.

We had used dark brown sugar instead of light. That could have been our downfall (or rather, the cookies' downfall). I still had some Country Crock in the refrigerator, which has a much higher butter content than the margarine we used the second time (we had attributed the second batch's failure to the use of margarine and not butter). And of course, for batches #2, and the pending batch #3, the Tollhouse Recipe was used as to where batch #1 used the Betty Crocker Recipe.

So like I said, I HAD to. Batch #3 had to be done, because I had to know if the light brown sugar, and using Country Crock would make a difference. Last night was inevitable.

Now here's the thing. In reality, I knew that the Country Crock was going to spoil it. But that little tub was calling to me from the wire racks in the 'fridge, giggling its little giggle the way it does. "I'm good on toast and muffins. Just as good butter, really. You choose me over butter all the time. Do it!" I really wanted butter, but you know, it was 9:30PM, and that's too late to start making phone calls to go to the store just for butter. People would think I was nuts. So, the experiment continued factoring in the only slightly higher butter count of Country Crock, and focusing on the LIGHT brown sugar as opposed to the dark.

Conclusions: Country Crock makes for RUNNY batter, because there's still not enough to HOLD the mixture together in stiff form. This is why recipes that call for margarine split it with Crisco. I mean, we all know that instinctively. The light brown sugar was a good move though. Also, the dark cookie sheet may be a problem which I will have to continue to test at a future time when I have BUTTER. I only baked six cookies because those spread out to cover the entire pan.

Batch #3 as baked cookies - completely failed. However, batch #3 as cookie dough?! Complete success! I don't know what I'm going to do with a HUGE tub of cookie dough sitting around, though. I like it as much as the next person, but not that much.

Oh wretched chocolate chip cookie recipe! Why do you taunt me! Now I have no flour, no eggs and no chocolate chips and I need a new cookie sheet, as well. Are you trying to tell me to lay off the cookies!? Had I never tasted some of my own lovely cookies, I would not want for more! But I have! Oh sorry baker am I...

hahaha...

THAT'S NOT HOW I WORSHIP?!
Currently worshipping to Mat Kearney

14When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. 17And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. 18And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. 19May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

20Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. 21May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen. (ephesians 3.14-21)

This morning's message at church completely tore me up. I don't know whether to say that I loved it or hated it, but I suppose that either way I was engaged by it, which is good. It was about "worship," being "surrendered and sacrificed" to God so that we can fully worship. I was on guard from the beginning of the message as I felt that Tom was going to be teaching "worship" as a response to God during corporate gathering time, particularly during the musical portions of that time. As you might remember, I've grown tired of the American white worship scene, and so to teach our church any more about how to respond to that "worship," I just don't want to hear it. I'm really thirsty for something different. I'm thirsty for "worship" that is not connected simply to musical worship at the corporate gathering... but if one is going to connect it to that, then I'm even tired just of that. I don't know that I'm looking for something more "multicultural" necessarily. Just not something so WHITE, and consequently a response that is boxed into being so white. So when he started with saying the he was going to explain why we worship like this (imagine a tall, lanky, balding white man with his hands thrust straight up into the air, his eyes clenched tightly closed, and a grimaced look on his face), and then also saying that he was tired of accepting the excuses of those who do not worship... I wondered of course what those excuses were, and if he was referring to "those who do not worship LIKE THAT?" or just those who do not "surrender and sacrifice." ONE of those I'd be interested in hearing more about; one I am not.

During most of the message, I found myself agreeing, and then disagreeing with his points. I just didn't "see it." I couldn't see where he was going, and what I did see, I didn't necessarily agree with. What did he want us to do? To say? To love God with? Was it that he wanted us to worship like he did? "Fully surrendered? Fully surrendered Vineyard style?" Is that why he's going to teach us this series? But that's not how I worship. So, am I one of the people who make excuses like he talks about? Do I need a good talking to?

Is it possible to teach us to worship in a way that doesn't look like hands in the air, grimaced face, kneeling on the ground, prostrate before the Lord worship? It exist, and it's just as true as that. It might not even look like one is worshipping at all, in fact. At the same time - that other style of worship is totally true and valid. It's lovely and great and holy. This is not to discredit or invalidate those expressions.

At the end of the message, Tom asked for 12-20 people who consider themselves "fully surrendered, fully sacrificed to God" to come to the front of the auditorium, no questions asked. My first instinct was to go. But then I thought, "No. I can't. I used to be on staff, and if I go, people will think, "OH of course she knows how to worship, she was on staff." And I thought VERY quickly about a time that Tom challenged me to worship more "openly," and in that moment, I wondered if perhaps I was one of the people that he thought was teaching TO. And I sat up in my seat, curious to know what it was Tom was going to do with the 12-20 people who thought themselves fully surrendered enough to get up to the front. And then - he did it.

He said, "You 12... now worship."

He asked those 12 people to just worship. In front of the whole church. And in that moment, I both wished I HAD gone, and was deeply grateful that I had not gone. The part of me that wished I had gone, did so because MY worship looked nothing like theirs. It typically looks like standing very normally, with my arms crossed, or even in my pockets, just normally, as if we were having a conversation, maybe even with my eyes open. You might not even know I was praying or singing if you were standing next to me. It would have been good to the people to see something so... different. But, at the same time, I was very glad that I didn't go because 1) it felt a little bit like a show, and 2) there was a slight part of me that thought, "UGH! I KNEW I should have gone just to SHOW YOU Tom that people really CAN worship in a way that's not like that other thing." And that part of me, is a very ugly part, and in that moment wasn't at all focused on God and his goodness. Granted, we don't have to be perfect in order to worship or in order to come to God. But, by the time I got done thinking all of that, the moment was over. And God had spoken to me, "Yes. I know. It's true. You are surrendered to me, and it's good that you worship me the way you do. Just do it with all of YOUR heart, YOUR mind and YOUR soul, and I'll recieve what you bring to me. It's not for them, or you. It's for ME."

NERDS R US

Guess where I'm writing this from? The downstairs of my apartment. I cancelled my home phone service today, and when the Time Warner guy came to give me a new modem because of that, he also fixed the wireless router set up so that I could actually USE my wireless network again! I've had a wireless router in my apartment for ?? what ?? eight months now ?? and have had my laptop hardwired to the old router and modem where Cristi's pc was hardwired for three of those months because we couldn't figure out how to make it wireless without the pc attached once she moved out. Ahhh... how nice to be able to do what I need to do on the computer and just sit on the couch/make lunch/watch tv/sit in front of window full of light instead of the wall full of paint! Yeah!

And now - I'm off to take a shower (I know, I know... it's noon! But - I woke up in the middle of the night last night! and so by the time I went back to sleep, woke up later than normal, I couldn't get in the shower because the TW guy was coming between 10 and 12!).

YEAH. WELL. BOB'S YOUR UNCLE!

Hi everyone! We're back from London and WOW was that a great trip! I'm sure that I'll be randomly blogging about it for a while still...but here's what I think. Some of my readers are of the female persuasion and have been asking for all sorts of details about "the proposal!" Are you ready for all the dish!? Well, pull up a chair because here we go...

Actually, I should clarify first. I can't actually tell you everything. Remember last week when I said that those who know me well know that I don't actually share ALL the details of my life with EVERYONE? That's most definitely true here! hahaha... It's really important to me that I not share every last word of what Robert said and how or where he was standing or sitting or what I said in response and all of that sort of thing. Some things - were just not meant to be shared. Some things were meant to be kept between Robert and I, and the secrecy of those moments will make them even better for us many years...

BUT! I DO have this really awesome story to share with you that you will JUST love! And, if you've been using your thinking caps at all (OTRgirl has, I see)... you should be wondering to yourselves, "HOW did Robert get a ring?! Did he just take it his country with him before he left? Did he BUY one while he was there?" Now, I found out later that his entire family already knew about this, as did his entire team in his country, so... PHLBBBBB to you all for being able to keep a secret! But, for everyone else... check this out!

This April, one of my volunteers in my high school ministry, Danielle, came to me and said, "Angie, I need to get in touch with Robert, can I have his email address?" I said, "UH. Why!?" Danielle is prone to having very strange, but TRUE, words from the Lord, and often times come to me for confirmation of the words and encouragement to walk in those words...so it wasn't THAT unusual for me to try this line of asking WHY. At first she protested telling me why, but it wasn't very long before she just said, "Well, I figured I'd have to tell you to get it, so here goes."

"I have been praying, and I feel as though the Lord has told me that I am supposed to GIVE Robert an engagement ring to use with you if he would like it, for free. I have a very beautiful one at home that is not being used, and I feel like God has spoken to me saying, "that Robert is his chosen servant, dedicating his life to God, and that because of that, God wants to reward him with this gift to use with you..." and so...I need Robert's contact information to tell him that and begin making arrangements to transfer this ring to him. AND, oh yeah, you need to get your finger sized so I can have it resized."

Uh. Um. I said, "NO! Danielle! I'm not giving you his email addy so that you can do that! I'm not going to basically GIVE Robert a ring to use with me! I might as well PROPOSE to myself! NO!"

And so for about five weeks, we went back and forth about this, until finally I caved and said, "Fine. I'LL email Robert and tell him what you've said, and then since I know that he's going to say that you're a crazy bird, he can just email me back and say that, but you will have been faithful to at least offer it so God will be satisfied..." (See, I was going to write the email saying, "I know this is crazy, so could you just tell me to tell her to bug off...). So I did. And Robert - he wrote me back pretty quickly saying just the opposite of what I thought he'd say. "Sounds good to me. I love getting free stuff, even engagement rings. Please give her my email addy."

*Sigh* They were clearly up to something. Fast forward to last week, and also know that Robert has lost a bit of weight since being in his country, and so his sister was sending a few pairs of jeans with me to London that would fit him better. She'd brought them over the night before I left so I could pack them in my luggage. (Can you see where this is going?)

So we're in the Regent's Park (Queen Anne's Garden - mentioned in the previous post)... when Robert pulls out this amazing diamond ring and proposes! Astonished, and crying and after answering yes, it dawns on me THAT is THE ring! and I managed to mutter, "HOW did you get that!?" And he said, "YOU brought it! In my jeans! Mom sewed it into the pocket..."

I brought our ring...

And then later in the afternoon I asked, "Robert - when did you know? When did you know that you were going to ask me to marry you?" And he simply replied, "I knew that I wanted to ASK you at Christmastime, but I was praying about it and God said to wait... that at the right time he would give me a ring."

GOD said he would GIVE him a ring...and he did.

I WOULD WALK 500 MILES...

OK. So if I said that we have walked the whole of London, you'd think that I was exaggerating, but it's NOT an exaggeration AT ALL. On Saturday, when we arrived, our FREAKING awesome hosts, Neil, (pictures to follow when we're home), picked Robert and I up from the aiport and took us to their great home in Sutton (which is on the southwest side of London). After meeting their children (Oscar, Callum, and Elspeth), we had a FAN-TAS-TIC meal with them, and then believe it or not, stayed up until one in the morning and played board games! Can you believe that - halfway around the world and what do we do? The SAME thing we'd do at home with our friends! It was great! A great way to just be back with Robert and begin our stay in London.

On Sunday, we went to church at the Vineyard Sutton, where we heard yet another Pastor Jason talk about SLOWing down and enjoying life. After that, back to the house for what might just have been the most FAN-TAS-TIC cookout ever. Seriously, it was great! We hung around with folks from at least three countries while gnoshing on some great food, drinks and games (again, pictures to follow, and well, the games might have been more Robert than me)...and then headed off to meet London.

I don't know what to say except that London played our host and that the highlight of the evening was to be the promised highlight of my trip to London: Queen Mary's Garden (I'll tell you more about the other sights and sounds in another post). Robert had mentioned this garden when we first met, and said that people in C'bus compared the Whetstone Roses to it! so of course, I had to see how completely ridiculous that was. So, we trekked across London on tube, bus, train, and foot for what felt like hours to find this garden (knowing full well that the payoff would be worth it) only to get there just at twilight (optimum viewing time as Robert said)...take four steps into the park, and then find out that the park is closing and have to leave! ARGH!!!! UGH!!!! So at the point, we had to leave the park we'd come so far to see, and of course, we hadn't eaten! so we went to look for dinner, but we couldn't decide on anything, so after hours of searching for some sustinence, we decided that we just needed to go home...back to Sutton...and so we did...rolling into town around midnight. I was SOOO tired I could hardly move.

Of course the next day, we repeated the entire thing, only we started earlier in the day! and packed MORE into the day! There was so much MORE to see in London than we'd seen the day before! More to DO! And it was great, seriously... Only this time, towards the end of the day, we made a point to head towards the park earlier so that we could get in before it closed.

It's a good thing, too.

Because apparently that's where Robert had planned to propose the entire time.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore...

Not yet, anyway...It's about 12:30AM on Thursday morning. Today is going to be a busy today for sure. I think that Robert is leaving his country in a matter of hours, if he hasn't already. Hopefully, he'll make it straight across the borders of the countries he has to travel through on his way to London. He told his sister this morning that sometimes they get stuck for hours on their way out (I think I knew that, too, from their previous trip out). "No problems," though, as he would say! :-) He'll make it out eventually.

I'm not going to be blogging anymore this week, or even checking here for comments. Thursday is going to be a busy day, and I still have some actual graphic design work to finish up for the companies I do project work for, as well as to finish packing and to do some straightening around the house. So! I guess... I'm off to see the wizard! Bye!

And oh yeah. Today is my mom's birthday. ;-) (you didn't think I'd forget did you?!) Happy Birthday Mom! I love you SOOOOO much! All the way around my back!

THEY SAY, WHEN YOU MEET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, TIME STOPS, AND THAT'S TRUE. WHAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU IS THAT WHEN IT STARTS AGAIN, IT MOVES EXTRA FAST TO CATCH UP.
(ed bloom, big fish)

CAUSE YOU RECOGNIZE ME-E-E-E-E, YO, I GOT TO SPEAK?

Ok. I can't answer these questions anymore. I know that you're asking because you care, but please, stop asking.

Yes, I had another seizure last weekend. No, they don't know what causes them - that doesn't mean my doctor is an idiot (or maybe it does? How am I supposed to know?) No, I'm not switching medicine. No, I still can't drive. Yes, it sucks. It's possible you know, that I won't get to drive again. Every time you ask the question (even though really you KNOW the answer) you remind me of that. No, I still don't have a job. It's hard to find a job when you can't drive, when all of your experience is in the church, and when your passion is in ministry. I'm working on it though, even though it might seem like all I do is blog the day away. Yes, I'm still losing weight, and yes that's SO cool! to be a healthier me, but it also sucks because it costs a lot of money to replace one's entire wardrobe every month or so. (But yeah, I do love my new body ;-). Pastor Brad offered me a job in Toledo again, AGAIN. I told him no, again, AGAIN. That sucked, too, but I think it's the right thing (again).

And YES, Yes, yes...I'm excited about this weekend. Why wouldn't I be? But there's a lot that goes along with it, too, and you know what? I don't have to share all of that with the world! If you know me at all, you know that I'm not one to share myself like that. I mean, even though I just wrote about "sharing your life" and I mean every bit of that...there's a way to DO THAT without giving away every bit of yourself to every person you know. Robert taught me to be able to say, "It's none of your business" as well as I do. I don't have to share EVERY feeling and emotion I have with EVERYone, you know? hahaha... they're not all that fascinating anyway! Trust me! I don't even have to share it with Robert! (a fact I'm sure he's very thankful for!).

If you're one of the people who find yourself with me NOT asking those questions - THANK YOU. Thanks for remembering that I'm not just about seizures and my medicine, work, finding a job, and going to London.

*sigh*

(in case you're wondering where the grumpy is coming from, I just got back from a doctor's appointment where I had to give my patient profile to the nurse practioner, and it reminded me of so many of the conversations I've had lately. FRIENDSHIPS should not = conversations with a nurse practioner.)

COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP

My previous staff at East Lake read this book one by one, but together. We were nerds like that. One of us couldn't read a book without EVERYONE wanting to read it and talk about it. I thought I'd post some of the notes here, for the several readers here who get jazzed up over geeky leadership talk. Keep in mind these were typed out notes from a book, so if some of them sound like gibberish, they are. If you REALLY want to understand, get the book. It's worth it.

HOW A LEADER RECIEVES VISION:
What is vision: vision is a picture of the future that produces passion.
A picture of what could be and should be fueled by the conviction that it will be.

In receiving a vision:
Have you yielded yourself fully enough to God? Have you asked God to unveil his vision for your life, or are you asking Him to bless plan that you’ve already come up with? We must come to God with empty hands and an open heart and ask, “What is Your vision for my life? What are you dreaming about?” Have you fasted? Have you prayed? Have you been quiet and waited on God in solitude? Have you cleaned up sinful patterns in your life? Have you weeded out the distractions and ambient noise that would keep you from hearing what God is trying to say to you? Have you read avidly? Have you traveled widely? Have you visited a variety of ministries around the world? Have you exposed yourself to the kaleidoscope of visions that God has given to others so that you can be inspired by the variety of options? If not, get out there! See what God is doing!

Communicate vision by embodying it. Communicate vision one on one. Communicate vision by going public.

Developing Emerging Leaders (because that's what LEADERS do):
Development Plan:
1. Identifying emerging leaders.
2. Investing in the development of emerging leaders.
3. Entrusting responsibility to emerging leaders.

TOP FIVE LIST: Influence. Character. People Skills. Drive. Intelligence.

Leadership Styles:

Visionary: has a crystal clear picture in mind of what the future could hold. Such a leader casts powerful visions and has indefatigable enthusiasm for turning those visions into reality.

Directional: uncanny, God given ability to choose the right path for an organization as it approaches a critical intersection.

Strategic: God given abilty to take an exciting vision and break it down into a series of sequential, achievable steps.

Managing: ability to organize people, processes and resources to achieve a mission.

Motivational: God given ability to keep teams fired up. Keep sense of when team member would get a necessary boost from a day off, an office move, a title change, or training opportunity.

Shepherding: builds team slowly, loves team members deeply, nurtures them gently, supports them constantly, listens to them patiently, and prays for them diligently.

Team Leadership: knows the vision and understands how to achieve it, but realizes it will take a team of leaders and workers to accomplish that goal. Supernatural ability to recruit the right people.

Entrepreneurial: function in start up mode. Give birth to something new.

Reengineering: turn around people.

Bridge Building: Networkers

1. Identify your leadership style by the descriptions.
2. Determine whether or not your style fits your current leadership situation.
3. Determine the leadership style of each person on your team.
4. Commit to developing your strong areas, and to develop your weak ones (yours, those of each person on your team, and the whole of your team).

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES THAT DETERMINE YOUR DECISIONS? (because VALUES always determine decisions)

one must always be able to answer these questions as a leader:
IS MY CALLING SURE? IS MY VISION CLEAR? IS MY PASSION HOT? AM I DEVELOPING MY GIFTS? IS MY CHARACTER SUBMITTED TO CHRIST? IS MY PRIDE SUBDUED? AM I OVERCOMING FEAR? ARE INTERIOR ISSUES UNDERMINING MY LEADERSHIP? IS MY PACE SUSTAINABLE? IS MY LOVE FOR GOD AND OTHERS INCREASING?

"INDEPENDENCE"...MIDDLE CLASS BLASPEHEMY! WE ARE ALL DEPENDENT ON ONE ANOTHER, EVERY SOUL OF US ON EARTH.(GEORGE BERNARD SHAW)

(Phillipians 2) 1Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic? 2Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. 3Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. 4Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.

The Brandi/y's and I made cookies tonight. Can I just say that I miss my Granma Osborne? Because right about now she'd be chastising me for using any recipe besides the Tollhouse recipe. Betty Crocker sucks. Granma would have pursed her lips, rolled her eyes and said, "OOOOOHHH Angie. You KNOW you can't be doing that. Tollhouse is the best recipe. I told you so!" And it's true. They were sick cookies and a perfect waste of every ingredient we used. ME, the good cookie maker, made bad cookies tonight. They were really awful. Granma would have been disappointed - there's no way we could take these to the nurses.

Today, was a day of INTERdependence if ever there was one. I spent 11 hours today with three REALLY great friends (Joe, Brandi, and Brandy ((unfortunately, not all together at the same time)), practicing what it means to find encouragement in Christ. No pretense, no airs, none of that. Just a genuine interest in what's happening and what has been and what will be in one another's lives. At least, I was interested?! They seemed interested?! If not, they're good liars. :-) And laughing. LOTS of laughing. LOTS, and LOTS, and LOTS of laughing. Especially with the girls. With Joe, there was more snickering. Lots of snickering, huh, Joe? Today's afternoon with Joe was brought to you by the letter D. ;-)

Those verses above are just for reading. I read them this evening and they made me think of today. I hope that you all have some people in your lives who make you feel like they're interested in you; but like they're actually sharing THEIR lives with you, as well. It's important to share yourself with other people...your REAL self ;-)...if you get what I mean... Sometimes when I'm with these friends or Robert, or even my family that's forever far away, I'm reminded of how important it is to know and be known. These verses kind of hint at the same thing: Don't be selfish, don't live to make a good impression. It's like he's saying, "don't be all about you and trying to act like you're one thing when you're not. Let people know the real you, because that's who God made you to be, and that's going to be okay."

Don't think only of your own affairs, but be interested in others. It's like God is saying, "And be truly interested and caring in who other people are, and what they're about, because they're as important as you are. As important as I think YOU are, I think they are too. Could you help them see that for me?" It's hard to do all of that unless we hang around each other and really get to know one another, huh? It take some intentionality on our parts to make that happen, though. Otherwise, we just go through life spending TIME with our people, but never getting past the skim. Next time you're with them, think about it for a moment - if you're thinking only of yourself, and if you're being genuinely interested in their needs and interests, and see where the conversation takes you. HAVE FUN though...laugh while you're together, too...a lot! Please laugh. Maybe even so much that you fall off the cough and almost spit your drink out your nose. Laugh that much while you're thinking about it. It'll be better that way, I promise... :-)

PARTIALLY FUNNY FROM PARTIALLY CLIPS

(this was me trying to "get" Tammy's Hunky Dory comic)

(this reminds me of EVERY youth counseling session I've ever done)

(I can only hope I'm this funny when I'm confused after a seizure, though I suspect I'm more like, "Uh. I did NOT have a seizure! You suck.")

THE MOODS

For those who are wondering, "Just WHO ARE these crazy ladies who thought to stay up and take pictures of their fingers and arm cracks to make butt cracks?! and who refer to themselves as "the Moods," here we are:

(That's Brandi and me, taken earlier this week at a cookout. In case you haven't figured it out, Brandi is Robert's older sister)

If you're wondering WHY we call ourselves "The Moods," it was a nickname bestowed upon us just last week by our friend and home group leader Craig. WHY he chose that, I'm not exactly sure, but we think we like it, so we're keeping it.

STRANGE, BUT TRUE

(Luke 2)
6While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. 7She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel. 8There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. 9Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. 10The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: 11A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. 12This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger." 13At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises, saying, "14Glory to God in the heavenly heights, Peace to all men and women on earth who please him."

15As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." 16They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. 17Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. 18All who heard the sheepherders were impressed. 19Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. 20The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!

Superman Returns! People have waited years for this movie to come out, right!? Some people love, some hate it. One of my friends wrote me to tell me that seeing it reminded her why Superman was her hero-crush of choice growing up. What's not to love about the story of Superman, after all? A not-quite-human man is sent from another planet to earth to live amongst humans to serve and save humanity, and while he's here he not only serves and saves us, he also falls in love with us and decides to stay? Sounds like a good story to me.

Sounds kind of familiar actually? Where have I heard that before?

OH YEAH!...

Those crazy Hollywood producers. They're so smart! ;-) They take the oldest "story" known to man, and turn it into a blockbuster, and then WE wonder why we're drawn to it? Yes, I KNOW that the parallels break down halfway through - please don't come overanalyze the metaphor (Jesus didn't wear glasses or rubbery boots, it's true). But there always has been and always will be something in the story of Superman that we're drawn to because we LOVE the idea that a Savior would come to us, and that we'd be worth saving. We love to think that our Savior is always present, always available, and would even sacrifice himself for us if needed. Well, there was a Savior sent us, because God did think we were worth saving, and he DID give himself entirely for us. Superman was a strange, but true plan for saving the world, and he was only a movie character. Jesus was a strange, but true plan to save the world, only he's the real deal.

You know what else is funny? (I've mused about this idea in the past, so if this sounds sort of familiar, that's why). Christians...are a strange, but true...plan for saving the world. God didn’t stop sending strange messengers like the angels to announce his strange plans for saving a strange world when Jesus was born! Romans 8:11 says that the same Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead lives in you. Do you get that - the same strange stuff that was in Jesus and made him great is in every Christian (that "stuff" has a name - it's the Holy Spirit). Does that make you God? No. Does that mean that God lives in you? Yes. God stopped living in churches and temples and started living in the hearts of men and women who truly know him when he died on the cross and did that WHOLE thing he did. Now, instead of counting on people to go through a priest at temple to take care of their junk and sin, he counts on US to take HIM to people (since he's living in us - we're little living temples). It's like he spilled OUT of the temple into us - he became he his OWN High Priest. (Well, it's not LIKE that. It IS that. And now, because the High Priest is IN us, we get to just take him straight to other people.) See how that works? It's strange, I know, but true.

What's REALLY strange, then... is that he can USE little living temples like us. Strange that he'd WANT to! Folks who curse every once in a while, or who are Big Brother addicts (you KNOW who I'm talking about), and who post pictures of WHATEVER that is at 1AM, or who smoke, or who might not read their Bibles enough...or who DO read their Bibles a lot and like to tell other people that they do. Whatever. Whatever it is that you do that makes you a STRANGE choice for God to use... He still does. It's strange, but true.

Jesus was God's strange, but true plan to save YOU, and YOU are God's strange, but true plan to save the world. What do you think about that? :-) It's nuts!

BUTT WHAT?
So any guesses are to whose and what these are? *hint - despite what it may look like, gathering these photos required no alcohol. The answer will be given Friday around 2:30PM right before I leave to get my hair cut, that is if noone guesses before then...good luck!

RELOADED QUESTIONS

1. What is your favorite city that you've traveled to?
2. Fill in the blank: Why does ____ insist on being so _______? (where the first blank is either Angie, Robert or your MOM).
3. What is your favorite athletic activity?
4. What one book do you associate being a book that you have to read for school?
5. If you could choose a name for yourself, other than your own, what would it be?
6. If you could possess one super power, what would it be?
7. What is your favorite act at the circus?
8. If you were home on a rainy Sunday afternoon, what movie would you want to see on television?
9. What was your favorite meal growing up?
10. I mailed a letter to _______, and I can't believe I never heard back from them!?

1. Savannah, GA, and the adjoining Tybee Island.
2. Why does Angie insist on being so ________. (I mean, really, isn't that a great way to finish that sentence? So _____ "I don't KNOW what?"
3. Softball tied with hiking in the parks like we do.
4. Tess of the D'ubergeeks. I mean D'ubervilles.
5. Taylor.
6. The ability to heal at will, AND the ability to repel mosquitos and other annoying bugs.
7. The clowns.
8. Lord of the Rings...tied with Notting Hill.
9. It's a tie, and they are both THE most DOWN HOME meals ever. Fried chicken, mashed pototoes and corn tied with hot dogs, fried pototoes and beans. See, I told you.
10. OK, this actually happened. I wrote and mailed a letter to Santa, and he never got it. I mean, the REAL Santa never got it. SOMEONE wrote me back, and I must have been happy to have SOMEONE write me back, because I put that letter in my scrapbook. But you know whose handwriting that letter from Santa is? MINE. Yup. What a sad child I must have been to need to write a letter to Santa and then need to write myself back! :-( hahaha...

GO TEAM COKE!

(me admiring Brandi's Coke can during Red, White and Boom)

Pepsi told rival about stolen Coke secrets. What sort of idiot peons at Coke actually thought that the whole world wouldn't notice two products that taste EXACTLY the same? Or did they just think that Pepsi would develop the new product really quickly and get it on shelves before Coke got their already-in-development-product to the masses? It's a wonder that Coke remains the better product of the two with stupid people like that working for them. Oh well - I guess they're not working there NOW, are they! Thanks for being honest, Pepsi. I guess you sort of had to - knowing that you couldn't handle us* in a lawsuit once you would have been caught with our new product anyway.

*yes, I did refer to corporate Coke as "us" and include myself in the corporation. You have to take sides, there's not middle ground in this war. Well, there's Sierra Mist, which I like, but...well, let's just get real. All I'm allowed to drink is water and real lemonade anyway, so until Pepsi or Coke starts marketing REAL lemonade, I'm talking about the MEMORY of what a nice, cold, fizzy Coke tastes like, and I remember that it beats a sugary, acidic Pepsi anyday. Go Coke!

1:20AM

Angie hears gunshots outside her window and grabs the phone to call the police.





Then remembers that it's late morning of July 4th on the westside of Columbus and puts the phone down. The "gunshots" are probably the last remnants of someone's fireworks.

DON'T ASK YOURSELF WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS. ASK YOURSELF WHAT MAKES YOU COME ALIVE, AND GO DO THAT, BECAUSE WHAT WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS IS PEOPLE WHO HAVE COME ALIVE. (GIL BAILIE)


For a few hours yesterday afternoon, life was just normal again. Thanks Joe.

WILD AT HEART



This is a photo of Robert, his nephew Matt and I at last year's fireworks display at Grove City. We played it like a tight little crew, tucked up in back of Bob's green Ford Ranger, along with Hannah, Matt's sister. Matt had the greatest time, oooing and aahing at all of the brilliant bursts of colors and sounds. We even have pictures of him jumping up and down at the excitement of it all. But this year, a different story will be told.

I don't think Matt could have put into words the fact that he noticed, but, I think the story hinges on the fact that big strong Uncle Bob was not there to protect the little boy Matt from the great big scary fireworks. At first, he decided that he wanted to sit in his own chair, because (I assume) that's what big boys do. They don't sit in the laps of aunts or cousins or friends like scaredy cats. So that's what he did. But as soon as the fireworks started, I could feel and see him tense up. And he said, "I want home." I said, "Matt, are you scared?" and he said, "Yes," and since his Aunt Katie was the first to invite him to sit with her earlier, I said, "Let's take you to sit with Aunt Katie, ok?" He said, "OK." So we did, and when he got over there, he put his baseball glove over his head like a helmet, to drown out the noise and protect his head from falling fireworks, I suppose. After a few minutes, he said it was still too loud, so Katie put her hands over his ears. She asked, "Are you scared?" and he said, "Yes."

She said, "When I was little, I was scared of fireworks, too."

And Matt...little boy Matt...who was himself very afraid at that moment, and was BEING protected at that moment...who last year sat unafraid in big strong Uncle Bob's lap, learning what it meant to be protected when you're afraid by a man who knows what it means to BE unafraid himself...said to his Aunt Katie,

"WHEN YOU WERE AFRAID, I WOULD HAVE COVERED YOUR EARS, IF I WERE A MAN."

and the way he said it, implied the meaning of "man" to be "mature male" not simply "male."

Katie, Brandi and I looked at each other like, "Did the little boy with a glove on his head just say that? Did he just understand this idea that a man's job is to protect a woman?"

And I (emphasis on me), thought to myself, is Matt scared this year because Bob is not here? He wasn't like this at all last year. Did Bob cover his ears last year, and that's where he learned that a "man" would cover your ears when you're scared? I know sometimes this blog turns into a "gush about Bob blog", but later in the evening, someone else caught onto this idea, too, so at least I'm not the only one gushing. There's a little boy in Grove City who feels safe watching fireworks with noone else but Bob, because my Bob - is a MAN, and little Matt Kinney knows it.

And you know - I'm not JUST saying that to gush about Robert. I'm saying that because there ARE dads reading this. And moms, too. Or soon to be moms and dads. You know, your kids are watching and listening. Your boys need men in their lives to know how to be wild and brave and strong. And everyone, if you haven't read Wild At Heart, by John Eldredge yet, you HAVE to read it. It's probably no coincidence that I was re-skimming it this morning just to check out some of my old highlights, huh? God probably wanted me to be tuned in for this interaction tonight.

"I would cover your ears if I was a man." Amen.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, DON'T YOU BOB?
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO IT... ALL BY YOURSELF!
(an actual line from the script, TCWOWSA)


If you've never seen The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged), you're missing out. Some friends and I went to see it downtown tonight, and it was really fantastic. We laughed through and through... Too many funny jokes to recount, so I'm just giving it two fake daggers up and saying, "Get thy arse to the theatre" for this one. You won't regret getting off the sofa, will you? ;-)