CAUSE YOU RECOGNIZE ME-E-E-E-E, YO, I GOT TO SPEAK?
Ok. I can't answer these questions anymore. I know that you're asking because you care, but please, stop asking.
Yes, I had another seizure last weekend. No, they don't know what causes them - that doesn't mean my doctor is an idiot (or maybe it does? How am I supposed to know?) No, I'm not switching medicine. No, I still can't drive. Yes, it sucks. It's possible you know, that I won't get to drive again. Every time you ask the question (even though really you KNOW the answer) you remind me of that. No, I still don't have a job. It's hard to find a job when you can't drive, when all of your experience is in the church, and when your passion is in ministry. I'm working on it though, even though it might seem like all I do is blog the day away. Yes, I'm still losing weight, and yes that's SO cool! to be a healthier me, but it also sucks because it costs a lot of money to replace one's entire wardrobe every month or so. (But yeah, I do love my new body ;-). Pastor Brad offered me a job in Toledo again, AGAIN. I told him no, again, AGAIN. That sucked, too, but I think it's the right thing (again).
And YES, Yes, yes...I'm excited about this weekend. Why wouldn't I be? But there's a lot that goes along with it, too, and you know what? I don't have to share all of that with the world! If you know me at all, you know that I'm not one to share myself like that. I mean, even though I just wrote about "sharing your life" and I mean every bit of that...there's a way to DO THAT without giving away every bit of yourself to every person you know. Robert taught me to be able to say, "It's none of your business" as well as I do. I don't have to share EVERY feeling and emotion I have with EVERYone, you know? hahaha... they're not all that fascinating anyway! Trust me! I don't even have to share it with Robert! (a fact I'm sure he's very thankful for!).
If you're one of the people who find yourself with me NOT asking those questions - THANK YOU. Thanks for remembering that I'm not just about seizures and my medicine, work, finding a job, and going to London.
*sigh*
(in case you're wondering where the grumpy is coming from, I just got back from a doctor's appointment where I had to give my patient profile to the nurse practioner, and it reminded me of so many of the conversations I've had lately. FRIENDSHIPS should not = conversations with a nurse practioner.)
4 comments:
Angie, I'm sorry you're going through this and am equally sorry that the doctors have no answers about your seizures. I don't know about you, but I'm always the one to ask "Why?" and it sucks not having the answers.
I'm betting you feel like a bird whose wings have been clipped and I know that's not easy for you in so many ways, including driving & Toledo. (I was going to say something funny/smart aleck about Katie Holmes, but I won't...)
I'm happy that this is the weekend you see Robert again. I'm happy that you're losing weight but am SO JEALOUS because it's going to suck to be me when I see you again... you, this thin sprite and me, this fat cow. *sigh*
Anyhow, I'm praying things turn around for you so you can move on, because I think that what's frustrating you is being grounded. Being stuck sucks (what's that? my favorite word for the day?!). I know, I understand b/c I've been there.
I'm praying that your health improves and they can give you answers of some kind. I'm praying that God opens some amazing & miraculous doors to a job so you can afford a rockin' new wardrobe for your smokin' new bod. ;-)
:-D
woh!! Ang, geesh!! Take a breath. I realize you are not only seizures, meds, job searching, and going to London. You are also opinionated and "egocentric." I'm joking, please know it. You know now I'm gonna have to call. Cause that's what I do. I'll think of some funny story or something to share myself with you...I love you.
Isn't it funny that *we* all know that she's more than seizures/meds/not driving/job search/going to London, but that she thinks that's all we see her as being?
Maybe we're all asking because we love you and are concerned. Maybe we just want to hear about what's going on with you now... which, I understand if you don't want to be talking about only those things. I understand, I really do.
I hear you. I think for lots of people its the easy entry point for a conversation. But answering questions that remind you of painful truth is like trying to talk while you have little knives sticking out of your heart. It sucks.
Waiting is hard and you're doing that on many many levels right now.
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