WHEN YOU USED TO TELL ME THAT YOU CHASE TORNADOES, DEEP DOWN I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A METAPHOR.

WOO HOO! That's what I'M talking about! Jim and the crew over on Channel 4 earned their pay tonight! Tornadoes everywhere! And not just EVERYWHERE! Within miles of my apartment!

I know what you're thinking. No, this is not some crazy dream loosely based on an episode of Friends. It really happened tonight! Here's how it went down. I was in the kitchen, cooking up some chicken, orzo and spinach, while watching another episode of Yes, Dear (I like that show). When all of a sudden, the NWS plasters a red ticker across the bottom of the screen and blathers on about a tornado warning in Far-a-way County. No big deal to me, since I don't know where Far-a-way County is...but 10 minutes later, they say "Hey - Pay Attention! Tornado Warning in FRANKLIN COUNTY," and I paid a little more attention since I know where that is (it's where I live).

One of the things I love about Robert is that he helps me to learn my way around Columbus. I was actually learning my way around pretty well right when I had to stop driving last October, so now I have to just try to WATCH and learn instead of DRIVE and learn. It's harder that way. In moments like THESE though, it's GOOD to know where roads are, because Jim the weatherman doesn't speak JUST TO ME when he says, "The tornado just touched down at 104 southeast of Grove City, in between 23 and 71, approaching 270, in the cell that is growing to the northwest." In my mind, I'm thinking, "JIM! Could you speak English and tell me EXACTLY how many miles that is from my place, because if I'm doing the math correctly, every one of those roads are the next major north/south roads to the east of my apartment, bordered to the top by 270. Basically, you just told me it's right next door - within maybe five miles?" But he doesn't do that (of course, because he has other viewers, and I understand this because Jim and I, we have an understanding like that where I understand that his show does not revolve around me)...

By this time, the tornado sirens are going off, and they're really loud. I've heard sirens before, but this time, they seem to mean business. As if to say, "No really, go to the basement or bathroom." But the thing is this: I'm a weather nerd, and I can't help myself. My bathroom is only seven steps from the front door, so I figure I can watch the storm, watch Jim and the weather report, AND make it to the bathroom if I actually SEE the tornado within a span of about five seconds. Shoot! I could ALMOST watch the TV while using the bathroom! After all, it was maybe five miles away?! I'd have time.

What fun! This was the closest I'd been to being in a tornado since that time that I WAS in a tornado at Devan's house before going to dinner at Cracker Barrel! Only this time, it was hardly raining and it was hardly windy, so it was kind of creepy - like the twister was going to sneak up on us at any moment!

Us. Who am I talking about? It was just me. Unless you count the Jeni's sweet corn ice cream I had in the freezer. I bought it last week and was trying to save it all until Robert got home from CA this Wednesday, but the thrill of the twister chase was too much, and I had to have some of it after the tornado. Sort of like when they had steak at Aunt Meg's after the big chase in Twister, I suppose. (Don't worry Bob, there will still be half left when you get home.) Back to the story - it's easy to get distracted by Jeni's...

Jim and his crew are frantically following the tornadoes, I'm frantically weatherspotting, my neighbors (much less experienced than I - they SLEPT through the sirens for goodness sake!) are just standing on the porch doing nuttin', and here we are, each of us seperately hoping for a different outcome. And now, as always...

*sigh* The storm fades and disappears into the night. *sigh* No tornadoes for me this time. No hail or flying cows or even a debris field. I make a few phone calls to excitedly chatter on and on about my near death experience with the Tornado of 2006, and how it compared with the Tornado of 2001, but wasn't as exciting as the time that the entire dorm had to evacuate to the hallways during Spring Break 1998 for the tornado that actually HAPPENED (but never even came near campus). It's all for the best though. Now is not a good time for a tornado to be moving up on my apartment, even if it would have been a cool story to tell. I have better stories to tell.

I'm getting married in 24 days! ;-)