PT 2, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, CHURCH GIRL!

There was a whisperblackladywhisper standing at the counter checking out before us, and I don't know HOW we got to talking about it, but she mentioned going to the Columbus Arts Festival this weekend with her honey. Then she said, "Yeah, but I just know that we're going to run into a bunch of people we know. All those damn people up in my face. I just wanna be like "Sheeeeaatt, mind yo' own business," or something like that. And I just laughed, first of all at the use of the word "sheeeeaaat, but then because I was having this funny flashback to last year's Arts Festival and since we had nothing else to do but wait on the clerk to hand write her ticket, thought I might as well tell her about it. *Bob, feel free to correct that spelling if it's not quite right.

For those that don't know, it's the largest festival in Columbus. Tens of thousands of people come to it each year, and it features music, arts and crafts, and fine arts. At the time, I was on staff at the church, and Bob was the missions director at the church, so we knew when we took our place on the lawn to listen to a latin band, no funny stuff. No making out like high school students or wild dogs, because you never know when someone might see you, right?? hahaha... OK, let's just get real. 1) it's not like we'd do that anyway and 2) there were LITERALLY tens of thousands of people there!? It's not like anyone would see us even if we did! We go to a church of 1200, too. What are the odds? I'll tell you the odds. 500,000:1200:6:2:2. In a crowd of 500,000 over the course of one weekend, in a church of 1200, at least six of those people were visiting the Arts Festival on the same day Bob and I were. And those six, found the two of us. And of those six, two of them had the guts to come up to us while we're (not) making out like mad dogs on the lawn and say hello to us in that insidious tone that said, "Oh, I wish I had my paparrazi-like camera now. Wouldn't Tom be proud of me for finding the of you entwined on one another just so and practically about to make babies?" hahahaha... Oh but I digress. Seriously, I do!

So, I'm telling this story to the black lady at Maurice's, and she just sort of looks at me and says, "Wait, you work at a church? And I've been standing here cussin' for like 15 minutes? Oh, sweetie, I am SO sorry!" I said, "Oh, it's okay. Really. Thank you, but it's not a big deal." She said, "OH! Well then... DAAAAMMMN!!!" We all chuckled. I said, "I don't work at the church anymore either." She said, "Yeah, I didn't think you look liked no church girl."

??????!!!!! Uh?? When did that happen? Was it the shoes?? Maybe it was my butt in those jeans?

No. I'll tell you what it was. Earlier in the store, while she was walking around, she heard Tanya say those jeans made my butt look good, and she muttered under her breath, "booty, booty, booty, booty...I think I need to go find me some booty jeans." And I said to her, "Did you just say "booty, booty, booty, booty..." about MY butt??! That's too funny!" She got a big old chuckle out of the fact that I heard her...and said, "YOU said, "booty...girrrrlll!" I think Tanya wanted to not look like a church girl either, because she asked if she looked like a church girl, and the lady looked her up and down and said, "Um, yeah, you do. You work at the church, don't you?" HAHA! I DON'T look like a church girl, and I DID work at the church. Tanya DOES and she didn't. How ironic. So Tanya asked the lady why I didn't and she does, and she said, "I don't know???" I said, "I know why. It's because I knew what booty, booty, booty, booty...was about, isn't it?" She laughed really loudly and said, "You know what, it probably is, you're right. I wouldn't expect you to know that."

Oh Maurice's. What fun! Shortly after that, I bought my size 9/10 short jeans, took my 10% off coupon they gave for "poor service" because of the power outage, my other coupon the black lady gave me for a pair of free sunglasses if I spend over $50 (which I totally will considering that I'm going back today to get a few shirts)...and headed back out into the deluge for the rest of the MADNESS that was to come. Seriously people, I'm not making this up. If I'm going to get out of my apartment for a few hours, yesterday was a good way to do it...But you know, after shopping, we were HONGRY. Time to eat.